Not perfect, but good

With this view I have uniformly gone on for fifty years, never varying from the doctrine of the Church at all; nor from her discipline, of choice, but of necessity; so, in a course of years, necessity was laid upon me (as I have proved elsewhere) 1) to preach in the open air; 2) to pray extempore; 3) to form societies; 4) to accept of the assistance of lay preachers; and, in a few other instances, to use such means as occurred, to prevent or remove evils that we either felt or feared. 

The Journal of John Wesley

Why we are here

April 12 (Dublin).--(Being Easter day.) We had a solemn assembly indeed; many hundred communicants in the morning, and in the afternoon far more hearers than our room would contain, though it is now considerably enlarged. Afterward I met the society and explained to them at large the original design of the Methodists, namely, not to be a distinct party but to stir up all parties, Christians or heathens, to worship God in spirit and in truth; but the Church of England in particular, to which they belonged from the beginning.

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Ready. Always.

Sunday, March 1, was a solemn day indeed. The pew chapel was sufficiently crowded both morning and afternoon; and few that expected a parting blessing were disappointed of their hope. At seven in the evening I took the mailcoach; and having three of our brethren, we spent a comfortable night, partly in sound sleep and partly in singing praise to God. It will now quickly be seen whether they who prophesied some time since that I should not outlive this month be sent of God or not. One way or the other, it is my care to be always ready.

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Ambition to improve

Tuesday, 20.--I retired in order to finish my year's accounts. If possible, I must be a better economist; for instead of having anything beforehand, I am now considerably in debt; but this I do not like. I would fain settle even my accounts before I die.

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Two days in the life

Tuesday, 13.--l spent a day or two with my good old friends at Newington. Thursday, 15. I retired to Camberwell and carried on my journal, probably as far as I shall live to write it.

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Tidy

Friday, 9.--I left no money to anyone in my will, because I had none. But now considering that, whenever I am removed, money will soon arise by the sale of books, I added a few legacies by a codicil, to be paid as soon as may be. But I would fain do a little good while I live; for who can tell what will come after him?

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Portrait

Monday, 5.--At the earnest desire of Mrs. T---, I once more sat for my picture. Mr. Romney is a painter indeed. He struck off an exact likeness at once; and did more in one hour than Sir Joshua did in ten.

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Blessing

How well is thine: how long permit to heaven.

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Lapse

1789.-Thursday, January 1.--If this is to be the last year of my life, according to some of those prophecies, I hope it will be the best. I am not careful about it but heartily receive the advice of the angel in Milton,

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As far as I am aware...

But I bless God, "the grasshopper is" not "a burden." I am still capable of traveling, and my memory is much the same as ever it was; and so, I think, is my understanding.

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Sight Suffers

In winter, 1786, I could not well read our four-shilling hymnbook unless with a large candle; the next year I could not read letters if written with a small or bad hand. Last winter a pearl appeared on my left eye, the sight of which grew exceedingly dim. The right eye seems unaltered; only I am a great deal nearer-sighted than ever I was. Thus are "those that look out at the windows darkened"; one of the marks of old age.  

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Gentle progressive steps of age

About this time I was reflecting on the gentle steps whereby age steals upon us. Take only one instance. Four years ago my sight was as good as it was at five-and-twenty. I then began to observe that I did not see things quite so clearly with my left eye as with my right; all objects appeared a little browner to that eye. I began next to find some difficulty in reading a small print by candlelight. A year after, I found it in reading such a print by daylight.

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On the edge of the hill...

Monday, December 15.--In the evening I preached at Miss Teulon's school in Highgate. I think it was the coldest night I ever remember. The house we were in stood on the edge of the hill, and the east wind set full in the window. I counted eleven, twelve, one, and was then obliged to dress, the cramp growing more and more violent. But in the morning, not only the cramp was gone, but likewise the lameness which used to follow it.

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Wander guard

Saturday, September 6.--I walked over to Mr. Henderson's, at Hannam, and thence to Bristol. But my friends, more kind than wise, would scarcely suffer it. It seemed so sad a thing to walk five or six miles! I am ashamed that a Methodist preacher in tolerable health should make any difficulty of this. 

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Limited Engagement

I preached in the morning at West Street to a large congregation, but to a far larger at the new chapel in the evening. It seems the people in general do not expect that I shall remain among them a great while after my brother; and that, therefore, they are willing to hear while they can. In the evening we set out in the mail coach and early in the morning got to Portsmouth.

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Imagine it.

Sunday, 10. I was engaged in a very unpleasing work; the discharge of an old servant. She had been my housekeeper at West Street for many years and was one of the best housekeepers I had had there; but her husband was so notorious a drunkard that I could not keep them in the house any longer. She received her dismission in an excellent spirit, praying God to bless us all.

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Tidy

The three following days I retired, revised my papers, and finished all the work I had to do in London.

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Significance and Purpose

Wednesday, 6.--Our Conference ended, as it began, in great peace. We kept this day as a fast, meeting at five, nine, and one for prayer; and concluding the day with a solemn watch night.

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Unity and Variation

One of the most important points considered at this conference was that of leaving the Church. The sum of a long conversation was 1) that, in a course of fifty years, we had neither premeditately nor willingly varied from it in one article either of doctrine or discipline; 2) that we were not yet conscious of varying from it in any point of doctrine; 3) that we have in a course of years, out of necessity, not choice, slowly and warily varied in some points of discipline, by preaching in the fields, by extemporary prayer, by employing lay preachers, by forming and regulating societies, and by holding yearly conferences. But we did none of these things till we were convinced we could no longer omit them but at the peril of our souls. 

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This is how we view preaching and the Bible

Monday, 4.--At five we had a good evening congregation; I believe many felt the power of the Word, or rather, of God speaking therein.

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Something was always extraordinary or outstanding

Sunday, August 3.--l preached at the new chapel, so filled as it scarcely ever was before, both morning and evening.

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Moving On

I preached at the new chapel (London) every evening during the Conference, which continued nine days, beginning on Tuesday, July 29, and ending on Wednesday, August 6. We found the time little enough being obliged to pass very briefly over many things which deserved a fuller consideration.

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Timeless Purposeful Life

I preached in the morning on Psalm 90:12; in the evening on Acts 40:30-31. I endeavored to improve the hours between to the best advantage. 

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Last Call in the Tabernacle of life?

Whether or not this is sent to give me warning that I am shortly to quit this tabernacle, I do not know; but be it one way or the. other, I have only to say,

   My remnant of days
   I spend to His praise
   Who died the whole world to redeem: Be they many or few,
   My days are His due,
   And they all are devoted to Him!

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Who has done this? Really??

4. To my having constantly, for about sixty years, risen at four in the morning?

5. To my constant preaching at five in the morning, for above fifty years?

6. To my having had so little pain in my life; and so little sorrow, or anxious care? 

Even now, though I find pain daily in my eye, or temple, or arm; yet it is never violent and seldom lasts many minutes at a time.

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Prayer Plus

To what cause can I impute this, that I am as I am? First, doubtless, to the power of God, fitting me for the work to which I am called, as long as He pleases to continue me therein; and, next, subordinately to this, to the prayers of His children.

May we not impute it as inferior means,

1. To my constant exercise and change of air?

2. To my never having lost a night's sleep, sick or well, at land or at sea, since I was born? 

3. To my having slept at command so that whenever I feel myself almost worn out I call it and it comes, day or night?

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The frame of our old barn of humanity

I find likewise some decay in my memory, with regard to names and things lately past; but not at all with regard to what I have read or heard twenty, forty, or sixty years ago, neither do I find any decay in my hearing, smell, taste, or appetite (though I want but a third part of the food I did once); nor do I feel any such thing as weariness, either in traveling or preaching. I am not conscious of any decay in writing sermons which I do as readily, and I believe as correctly, as ever.

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The rush goes on...

Saturday, June 28.--I this day enter on my eighty-fifth year; and what cause have I to praise God, as for a thousand spiritual blessings, so for bodily blessings also. How little have I suffered yet by "the rush of numerous years!" It is true, I am not so agile as I was in times past. I do not run or walk so fast as I did; my sight is a little decayed; my left eye is grown dim and hardly serves me to read. I have daily some pain in the ball of my right eye, as also in my right temple (occasioned by a blow received some months since), and in my right shoulder and arm, which I impute partly to a sprain, and partly to the rheumatism.

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Pattern and practice

These are a pattern to all the town. Their usual diversion is to visit the poor that are sick (sometimes six, or eight, or ten together), to exhort, comfort, and pray with them. Frequently ten or more of them get together to sing and pray by themselves; sometimes thirty or forty; and they are so earnestly engaged, alternately singing, praying and crying, that they know not how to part. You children that hear this, why should not you go and do likewise? Is not God here as well as at Bolton? Let God arise and maintain His own cause, even "out of the mouths of babes and sucklings!" 

The Journal of John Wesley